Last year was a year of transformation for me. It was a biggie. Uncomfortable. Challenging. Overwhelming.
It was the year that changed everything. The year I got grounded and comfortable in my skin.
Throughout my year of transformation, one of the most valuable acts of self care I learned to do was:
L E T G O…
At first I had a huge amount of resistance to it, but after putting it into practice, it began to feel good and turned into habit. It has left me feeling lighter, more spacious, and free. Now there is no other option than to keep letting go; it feels like a high when I do, and if I don’t I’m left feeling tense and blocked, which is a HUGE energy drain.
Are you seeking…
Then please join me in letting go!
So lovely readers, what have I learned to let go of?
Friends That No Longer Serve Me
I’m an introvert. I like my alone time and I love connecting with like-minded people on a deeper level. Society says the amount of friends you have is a direct reflection of your worth as a person. I’ve let go of this expectation and in the process let go of friendships that were not filling me with joy, lifting me up, or enhancing and challenging my thoughts, ideas and self.
The friends that demanded me to be someone I am not or had seriously different views on life were draining my energy, and as a result I couldn’t be my best version of me. I couldn’t give them a friendship they deserved either. I became flaky and cancelled constantly and then got upset with myself when the friendship faded. To be strong and self-loving means to be honest with yourself. If this friend doesn’t make you feel G O O D then don’t give them your time. It’s as simple as that.
It is OK to walk away, it is OK to have a handful of friends, it is OK to have one really great solid friendship. There are no rules or expectations when it comes to something so personal as friendships.
You play by your own rules. Those who don’t accept you as you are aren’t meant to be playing your game.
Expectations & Pressure
For me this was a self-inflicted thing, although many of you may feel it from outside sources. I was always pushing myself to DO everything by a certain deadline, BE a certain way, MOVE my body a certain amount. It’s exhausting feeling the weight of “must do” on your shoulders every day.
Give yourself permission to listen to your body and honour the present moment. When you harness your natural ebb and flow of energy everything feels so much easier and lighter. If your body is asking for rest, honour it. When your mind needs a break, honour it.
You get to choose the standard to hold yourself to, and there is nothing that makes me more proud of myself than listening to my body, mind and soul.
The Need to Please Others
This goes hand in hand with the point above. Often the people-pleasing feeling is created in our minds and we put unfair pressure on ourselves to impress people by giving too much of our time/thought/energy. In the wrong hands this can be taken advantage of easily.
My mother is definitely a victim of this; she’s so kind and generous but some people have taken huge advantage of her time and energy to benefit themselves. It breaks my heart and I have strongly encouraged her to learn the word NO.
No is a complete sentence. Repeat after me, “No is a complete sentence”.
It’s ok to not be able to do everything for everyone, and it’s actually a great way of weeding out the true friends from the users. Those who are just taking from you won’t stick around long when you stop giving, and that’s O K! It is not selfish to guard your energy, and you’ll soon learn where you’d like to be generous and with who. It brings a beautiful harmony to your life, trust me!
Oooh this is a toughie, I still struggle with it. But don’t worry if you do too, it’s completely human! When I find myself thinking negatively about someone (helloooo road rage!) I now try to be actively aware of what I’m thinking and turn it around.
I first acknowledge that this person is another soul in a body having a human experience just like me. They have family and responsibilities and they love and hate and fear the same as I do. I don’t know what they are experiencing in their life right now and in that way I choose to feel COMPASSION.
This is huge because compassion is a beautiful feeling centered in love. Whether you can impact that person’s life or not, filling yourself with that feeling removes the negativity and stress that comes with judgement. If someone pisses me off because of a bad attitude or lack of knowledge or a negative act, instead of letting that anger roar I decide to feel compassion for this person… they are having to live their life in that negative mind-space, and I hope that they will find the light I live in, one day.
Loathing My Appearance
This one’s great and I think it comes with age. I used to care SO much how I looked and what people thought of my appearance. It put me in a constant state of stress. On my journey to self-love I’ve come to accept every aspect of me, and it’s freed me from that self-judgement.
Now I’m more intuitive about my body and how I look. Do I FEEL good? WHY do I feel bloated? WHY is my skin breaking out? It’s 100% always stress or eating related for me, so my focus is now on how I fuel my body. What I put ON and IN my body affects the glow of my skin, the tone of my stomach, how long and shiny my hair gets.
When everything is balanced I feel beautiful and it shows.
Fear of Missing Out
Oh man I hate this feeling! Because my husband is an extrovert and I’m an introvert we often are at a standoff on our Friday/Saturday nights. I used to drag myself out somewhere I didn’t want to be because I feared if I stayed home I’d miss..something. I was never sure what, but the feeling would lurk as I tried to decide.
I’ve let go of that burden completely now. It’s simple – what do I want? If I want to stay home to rest/read/do yoga etc, I DO IT. And that’s that. I don’t allow a second thought to what I declined to do, because I chose to do exactly what I wanted.
Using the Word SORRY
This ties in with the point above. When I declined an invite or told a friend I can’t hang out, I always felt the need to make an elaborate excuse and apologize profusely for inconveniencing them (people pleasing again!). I was apologizing for being introverted, and feeling guilty about who I was. I’ve banished this behaviour in a big way (I talk about it more in my introvert post here) and now I am open and honest when I don’t WANT to do something, and I don’t attach the S word to it anymore.
You should never be sorry for honouring your nature and listening to your body/mind!
The Lust for Material Things
This one is still hard for me, especially with how material society is. People are judged on their vehicles, how big their house is, the brand of clothes they wear. And trust me, I was there! I’m still driving my biggest material mistake now, 4 years later! (Fully loaded SUV anyone?)
Now my husband and I focus on simplicity, love and happiness – and money isn’t a big factor in those things! We desire time in nature, a small but comfortable home with a yard, a vehicle that can take us camping in the mountains, and we value exploring new places in the world a heck of a lot more than wearing expensive clothes!
Shift your perspective on what matters in life and you’ll let go of those material constraints.
Related Post: Prioritize Experiences Not Things
With conquering anxiety I faced and released a lot of my health related fears. It isn’t just a mind thing though, I choose to eat organic, exercise, use green cleaning products and organic beauty products, be aware of family health issues and do regular visits to the doctor.
I know I’m doing everything in my power to be healthy, and the rest is up to a higher power. ‘Nuff said.
The Need to Be at a Certain Place
This is new for me and it’s greatly to do with my creative progress, although for you it can be applied to anything – weight loss, learning a new language etc. For me, it started with blogging and a promise to myself to not write unless inspired, not compare to other blogs, and not pressure myself to get a certain result by a certain time.
No matter what your goal, please remember – FLOW IS EVERYTHING. There is no need to rush. If you honour your body, mind and soul that which you desire will come to you in divine time.
Things to Never Let Go Of:
// Your divine spiritual compass
// Your intuition
// Your morals/integrity
// The point is not to stop caring, it is to care about the right things
There’s no easy way to get started, you just have to START. It’s an active thought process, it takes effort and repetition. But it’s a beautiful thing when you find that release, ease and gentleness.
What have you let go of that has opened your heart to transformation? What are you holding on to that you’d like to let go of? Please share I’d love to hear about your journey and struggles.